HI I’M A PLUCKY OUTGOING YOUNG WOMAN FROM 1925 LOOKING FOR A POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP OR A BIT OF BARNEYMUGGING WITH A KEEN 2012 DADDY
Gosh I bet society’s changed a lot since your day, I’m not sure we could ever make it work!
NOT REALLY, MANY CORE VALUES AND EXPERIENCES ARE THE SAME, ESPECIALLY THOSE ESPOUSED BY THE JOHN LEWIS BRAND
Why are you shouting by the way?
I’M USING A TELEGRAPH MACHINE STOP
DON’T START THAT
Culture has changed so much since your day! We won’t have any common reference points!
I THINK YOU’LL FIND THAT IF YOU’RE MIDDLE CLASS AND CAN AFFORD NICE THINGS FROM JOHN LEWIS, NOTHING CHANGES ALL THAT MUCH
WHAT’S THAT MUSIC YOU’VE GOT ON IN 2012?
It’s Paloma Faith covering INXS. It encapsulates the cuteness of how our time-crossed lovers’ feelings are different but the same.
WOULDN’T AN ILL-ADVISED DUBSTEP VERSION OF THE CHARLESTON BE A BETTER FIT FOR OUR TIMEZONES?
It wouldn’t wash with the Mumsnet crowd. But you’ve got Doop to look forward to in 70 years!
SO HOW SHALL WE WORK THIS?
Like Gary and Phoebe in Goodnight Sweetheart maybe? Unless Gary ever checked on Phoebe’s gravestone in the present day. I don’t think he did. Oh! Or like Gideon and Edith in The Invisibles!
I THINK GIDEON DID IT WITH HER WHEN SHE WAS AN OLD LADY IN THE 1990s TOO
I’m not sure about that babes. Hang on I’ll check if there was something in Torchwood.
Oh no you’re dumping me aren’t you.
DON’T BE SILLY DARLING. JOHN LEWIS! WE’VE GOT THE CHRISTMAS CAMPAIGN TO THINK OF…
Posted in Adverts explained
Tagged adverts, comics, doop, goodnight sweetheart, grant morrison, inxs, john lewis, music, paloma faith, shops, telly, the invisibles, torchwood
Hello and welcome to the inaugural Bert Awards, during which I will be making a fist of this year’s Brit Awards highlights.
Where else on primetime TV do you get to see a man in his thirties leaning into the face of an uncomfortable-looking 16-year old boy to say “You smell amazing! How old are you? No really, how old are you??” But the pheromonal appeal of Justin Bieber reduced James Corden to just such a state. Amazing.
A difficult one to judge. And unexpected. It seemed that every other act had been down that shop they advertise near my work [pictured] to kit themselves out before the show.
Plan B put a good effort in, with the prison-yard violence and the setting people on fire and everything, but the award has to go to Take That, whose choreographed kettling was particularly joyful.
I’m not sure what had gotten into Cheryl Cole before she lurched on to present the Best International Female award. Half a box of Nytol, by the sounds of it. Dull, limp and lifeless.
Has anyone ever turned up to present an award with as thunderous-faced a glare as Will “I’m making a documentary about Coriolanus you know” Young did? Was it because he’d been paired with Avril Lavigne? Was it all beneath him? Bad show.
All night we were shouting at the telly: ‘When’s the big duet? Who will it be?’ Because even though these unlikely popstar pairings are the best part of the event, one big collaboration per year is the best you can hope for these days.
And what a disappointment. I love Cee Lo, but hate watered-down versions of overplayed songs. Especially one he’s already done with a ‘surprise guest’ a few days ago (at the Grammys, with Gwyneth Paltrow). And who was it who came on to play Mika to his Beth Ditto? Just Paloma “Plan B’s mum” Faith.
If it had been left up to me, the big finish would have been Corinne Bailey Rae collaborating with Rastamouse. She would have sung with all the sadness of every orphan in the Mouseland orphanage, and he would have made a bad ting good. But this is why I am not, yet, in charge of the Brits.
Posted in Reviews
Tagged avril lavigne, brits, cee lo, cheryl cole, corinne bailey rae, james corden, justin bieber, music, nytol, paloma faith, plan b, rastamouse, take that, telly, will young