On the sad day when Pet Shop Boys finally call their music career to an end, what will they do next? I investigate some of the options.
OPPORTUNITIES (LET’S MAKE LOTS OF HONEY)
The concept: Neil and Chris compete in the beekeeping industry.
Chris: How are you doing Neil?
Neil: Well I’ve been putting a lot of thought into it.
Chris: How about your beehive?
Neil: I’m afraid it doesn’t work.
IT COULDN’T HAPPEN HERE
The concept: Neil and Chris solve murders by a process of elimination, in yet another attempt to revive the Cluedo format.
Neil: But of course! There are no windows in the library so the murderer wouldn’t have been able to throw the revolver into the garden!
Chris: What are you saying Neil?
Neil: I’m saying that it couldn’t happen here!
Chris: That’s another room off the list! And this case almost seemed impossible. Congratulations!
The concept: Chris and Neil take on the challenge of seeding crop fields, only to find that — yes — it’s not as easy as it sounds.
Neil: Why the furrowed brow, Chris?
Chris: I’ve had it with this, Neil. It’s just too difficult.
Neil: Well why don’t you try?
Chris: Fucking hell. Pass me that seed drill.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT BUT I CAN’T GIVE IT ANY MORE
The concept: Oblique gameshow in which Neil and Chris, blindfolded, must try to fail shopping tasks in a supermarket without actually being told the rules. Presented by Davina McCall.
Chris: Okay, one more try. Have you got… the third item on my shopping list?
Neil: (chuckling) I think we must be out of stock. Davina – I don’t know what he wants but I can’t give it any more!
Davina: Oh Neil, you were so close. Actually the third item on Chris’s list is freeze-dried fish food – and you’ve got that in your pocket.
Neil: It’s lucky you can’t see my face.
DID YOU SEE ME COMING?
The concept: There’s an unexpected twist to the audition process as Neil and Chris seek to protect their legacy by finding “the next Cicero”.
Neil: What did you think of Barry from Bolton?