What are our favourite stars going to do when their natural careers sadly run out? In the first of a new series, I investigate the options…
All That Junk Inside Your Trunk
The concept: Fergie and will.i.am visit a different car boot sale every week
Fergie: What have you found, Will?
Will: I’ve got a Look-In annual, a CD single of The Rhythm of the Night and a signed photograph of Barbara Windsor!
Fergie: What are you going to do with all that junk?
Will: Wait, we have to keep this shit?
The Time (Dirty Bit)
The concept: Fergie and will.i.am clean the muck off a different antique clock every week
Fergie: That clock’s filthy, Will!
Will: It’s an Ormolu!
Fergie: An Ormu-what?
Will: It sure is. Hey – dirty bit!
I Gotta Feeling
The concept: Fergie and will.i.am investigate the wacky world of human neurology – with hilarious consequences!
Will: Hey Fergs, what are you up to?
Fergie: I’m using the Nissl method to stain my endoplasmic reticulum and reveal my negatively charged ribosomal RNA!
Will: To be honest it just looks like you’ve pissed yourself again.
Let’s Get It Started
The concept: Fergie and will.i.am have 22 minutes to get an old car working, every week
Fergie: That’s a battered up old banger you’ve got there Will!
Will: Yes but let’s have a look at this week’s car.
Fergie: Oh WILL.
Shut Up
The concept: Fergie and will.i.am are bricked into an old cellar. The cameras return every week to see how they’re getting on.
Fergie: It’s been months. I’m so cold. Did you eat the last rat?
Will: Shut up.
My Citrus Sarcophagus 
I will at this point announce that my cousin is the (not s0) ghost writer of this:
http://amzn.to/gcHtgR
so we might, one day, see a longer version of this post. I do hope so.
Amazing. Poor Taboo. It’s almost as though he’s completely disappeared from view in my post-Peas future. Him and the very memorable 4th Pea. :(